During the past few weeks, I have talked to many mental health experts about our children being overstressed. There is a unanimous opinion that children are stressed being overscheduled and the pressure to be successful. (See the Family Center article)

As a parent and a writer who has written on the topic for years, I believe these experts are right. Somehow we well-intentioned parents have created a generation of children who feel they must be perfect students, star athletes and gifted artists to be self fulfilled.

The more I learn about why our kids are stress-out, the more frustrated I become. I feel caught in a vicious cycle. I want my sons to feel accomplished, but I don't to want to push them too hard. It's painful watching your child be rejected for an activity because they don't meet the expected level of expertise.

Do we just not want the best for our children? Do we just not want to give them the tools to get into a good college? Do we just not want them to be well-rounded?

What went wrong? Somehow we have demanded our children at a very early age compete and perform at top level. We took away from them the magic of childhood. Gone are the days of doing something for the fun of it.

Granted, gone too are the days when children can safely wander around town. I'm all for organized activities, but why must adults expect total commitment from the child in order to participate in an activity?

Any parent who has a child in any sport knows what I am talking about. If your child has every had a time conflict with a practice or game, you must carefully weigh if it the conflict is important enough to miss the team's event. And then you must bear the wrath of the coach when you tell him that your child will not be present. You better have a good excuse — or else.

And it gets worse in high school. Coaches schedule practices seven days a week. The high schools' basketball coaches schedule practices the day after Thanksgiving and during most of the Christmas and mid-winter breaks. The coaches tell players, if they miss practices they won't play. Consequently, families must choose between practices and family time.

And it's not just sports. Take a look at the musical programs. Choir students are expected to commit themselves solely to choir. Many times, they practice until 10 or 11 p.m. on a school night. How do they find the time to do their homework? When do they get a chance for some downtime?

Step back and think about what we are doing. By foregoing to trip to Grandma's during Thanksgiving to attend basketball practice, we are teaching our children sports takes precedent over families. Later on in their lives, that will translate into work is more important than family.

When children don't have time to relax because they must juggle schoolwork and choir, we are setting them up for illnesses both mentally and physically. For what? Why must these students work and perform like professionals? How many of these singers become professionals? Only a lucky few.

Yet we parents helplessly follow along with these demands. So we complain to one another about the coach or the musical director. We are all afraid to stand up to the coach or director in fear of them punishing our child. However, we as parents need to have the courage to protect our children and families.

I know some brave parents who have addressed these concerns to school administrators, but nothing changes. Perhaps administrators view these complaints as nonsense. Perhaps these administrators aren't aware these practices are taking place under their watch. Perhaps they haven't thought what effect these demands are having on their students' emotional wellbeing. I hope they aren't complacent with the status quo.

I know I have probably confused or angered some of you. But I hope that my ramblings might get us thinking about what we, as a community of high achievers, are doing to our children.