Enforcing Facebook Rules
Ask the Experts by Kathy Rager, executive director, CARE
Q: I am really frustrated. My 15 year old daughter knows the rules regarding what she can post on Facebook but tonight when I viewed her page I found a picture of her in a very revealing bathing suit and several nasty remarks, including four letter words, about her algebra teacher. When I confronted her she said that all the kids are doing it and it doesn’t mean anything. How do I handle this?
A: I can remember, years ago when I was a teen, my mother tried to get me to limit the time I spent on the phone. My friends and I used to talk for literally hours about nothing but in spite of my mother’s frustration, it filled a need in me. That need was to have fellow comrades, peers that I could talk to for hours and share my problems, dreams and ideas. Just like hanging on the telephone filled a need for us many years ago, Facebook is part of our children’s social structure that makes them feel part of something bigger than themselves. Use of Facebook, however, comes with some dangers.
Loss of relationships, jobs, college scholarships and exposure to some unsavory characters are all well known consequences. But well known consequences do not mean much to our teens. There in lies the responsibility of parents to be aware, set the limits and follow through on the consequences. Think of it as a bullet on your parental job description: It is my job to socialize my child so that he/she may be acceptable to a broader society……it is my job to keep my child safe.
As you approach your daughter about her Facebook postings, you will want to stay calm. Most kids will push the limits. Next, be firm. Your daughter knew the rules (no bathing suit pictures and no slamming another person) and chose to break them. If you haven’t already, and I bet you have, explain that posting this type of information can be harmful to her future and state the rules. If you have already had this discussion, do not have it again.
I say this because teens like to twist the information, or place guilt (on you….all kids are doing it). Engaging in conversation to change her opinion is useless. You are speaking a different language. Instead, move right to consequences. "I can see that you are not able to follow the rules regarding your Facebook page. Here are the rules again………. We are deactivating your Facebook page for one week. We can try again then.” Remind your daughter, a Facebook page is not a right, it is a privilege. Hmmm, you might want to make sure your own Facebook page is free of unacceptable postings!
Kathy Rager, Executive Director at Community Assessment Referral & Education (CARE) and parent educator has provided advice on raising competent, capable children for the last 25 years. Her advice is based on a formal education, experience with highly stressed families and raising her own three children. She can be reached at 586.541.0033,
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. You can learn more about healthy parenting by visiting CARE’s web site at www.careofsem.com. CARE is a member of The Family Center’s Association of Professionals.
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